Worst Title Ever, and That Was the Best Part

This is the first of a special category of movies I'm watching, which I'm calling the 'You're Welcome, I Jumped On This Movie Grenade For You.' The movie: General Commander starring Steven Seagal and nobody else you've ever heard of except actors who apparently had some bills that desperately needed paying.


Some stats for you. Released in 2019, it is 1 hour and 25 minutes long and obviously rated R. It has a solid 3.3 out of 10 on IMDB. It cost $12 million to make and raked in $69,000 according to Google's knowledge panel (that's a thing). It was originally marketed as a limited series but ended up as this. Probably best. Less of this is better.

This is about Seagal's CIA GRS team which for some reason is going after a group that steals organs and sells them on the black market. There are facts (?) in text at the beginning of the movie to give it some kind of moral angle. Why is the CIA doing this? I don't know, but at least they're doing it badly.


One of their team members plays the victim, being lured by a woman to a hotel where she drugs him and the bad guys come in to take out his heart (and more probably). Before this he took a pill that would only allow the drug to work for about ten minutes, then he would wake up. Good thing because his team is incompetent and failed to get in the room in time. He woke, of course, just as they were going to cut him open.


It ends with the bad guy leader holding the victim hostage as the other CIA members point guns at him and yell for him to stop. I think they wanted him to tell them who he worked for (I swear I heard someone yell, "Who does number 2 work for?"), but he eventually shot the hostage and then they shot him.


This death is huge because all the characters get some solid scene chewing acting chances to show how devastating it was. This is way too much of the movie. Most movies would have had this all tied up in the first 10 or 15 minutes and the bulk of the movie would have been the creation of the rogue team and the pursuit of the bad guys. They almost do it in the opposite way.


And most of that scene chewing acting is done in close ups, or extreme close ups. During interviews, during regular conversations, during telephone calls, ALL THE FREAKING TIME. They didn't need locations because you could hardly see background most of the time. And I don't ever need to see another close up of someone's mouth. It was like goatee porn. Too much.


Anyway, the team all quits the CIA and they get convenient backing by a billionaire Seagal's character knows (who hasn't been in the movie until now, most of the way through) so they can go rogue. This is where the title comes in. Nobody says it. It just appears on computer screens when they are planning their operation. It's a logo with the idiotic name of General Commander. It was as if it was CGI'd in after the movie was made by a guy who didn't have a good grasp of the movie's content or the English language.


So, in the end they get the bad guy. Actually, I think they did, but I don't even remember. I think my brain bailed at about the 1:05 mark because it had better things to do.